


The Moments That Matter

by mattzerella_sticks



Series: Season 14 Inspired [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coda, Coda to 14x07, Comforting Castiel, Comforting Dean Winchester, Fishing, Hercules - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Loving Castiel, Loving Dean Winchester, M/M, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean Winchester, Parent Sam Winchester, Post-14x07, Sad Castiel, Sad Dean Winchester, Sick Jack Kline, Teaching how to drive, Tears, Unhuman Nature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattzerella_sticks/pseuds/mattzerella_sticks
Summary: Coda to 14x07With Rowena having done all she can, and the shaman turning out to be a bust, Team Free Will (be good dads) are at a loss. When Cas hasn't come back with food for the brothers, Sam sends Dean out to look for him.Turns out Cas couldn't carry any food since he's burdened with guilt. Can Dean help ease him of some of it, and in doing so let go of some of his own troubles? Or will they find the strength together to shoulder it all?





	The Moments That Matter

**Author's Note:**

> So THIS was an episode that gave me life (while also taking some of it away from Jack lol). Like it was filled with so many good character moments and I think it was one of my favorite of all time!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Dean found him in the hallway outside the infirmary; slumped over, a dark ruffle of hair tucked between his arms. He was squeezed in tight, as if he was trying to disappear. Sam was still with Jack, watching over him. Cas offered to grab something to eat for all them a long time ago, when their stomachs demanded food with harsh gurgling.

“Why don’t you go check on him,” Sam said, smoothing out Jack’s blanket, “Maybe he needs help.”

‘ _Sammy you don’t know how right you were_.’

He shuffles over, softly, until he’s standing tall over his angel. Cas doesn’t seem to notice, so he carries on, sinking down next to them until they’re pressed together. Dean stretches his legs out, and knocks into Cas after a long beat. “Hey,” he says, voice rough from disuse, “How’re you feeling?”

Cas peeks a bleary blue eye up at him. The red tinged around the lake of Cas’s eye looks unnatural. Like algae infecting the surface, and suffocating all life behind it – keeping any light from reaching in. “How do you expect?”

Dean huffs a humorless laugh out between his clenched teeth. “Not well?”

“That is an understatement.” Cas smacks his head against the wall behind him, and if it were anyone else Dean would be more worried. Still, he glances over to make sure his angel hasn’t seriously hurt himself. There’s no pain that wasn’t already there. “I feel _powerless_. Like I’m chained to an immovable stone, forced to watch Jack suffer slowly into nothingness. To wait until my… until my _son_ dies.” He turns to Dean, eyes filled with tears. “ _Our_ son, Dean.”

He wishes he could enjoy those words, but the force with which Cas said them dispels any good spirits. Dean’s own dam begs to burst, but he forces it back as his angel slowly leaks. ‘ _Not now… Later, but first… he needs me._ ’ Dean shifts ever closer, inching through the infinitesimal space between them, and tosses and arm over Cas’s shoulder. Cas leans in, his head resting on Dean’s chest, shaking and sobbing.

“He was just starting out… and then we got _you_ back. I… I thought our family was now complete, but this – this keeps _happening_.” He lets Cas fall apart before him, catching every piece of his angel as he shatters. Cas curls into his side, and Dean embraces him.

He’s searching for the right words to say, but every attempt to string together comfort comes up empty. Nothing sounds right to him, all empty promises that would float away the second he released them into the open. So he does what he can, and clings onto Cas until he lets out all his sadness.

“What do we do?” Cas asks, “If there’s nothing to do but wait then… _what do we **do**_?”

“I… I don’t know.” The spot on his shirt grows larger and wetter. “We can… we can sit here. We can – uh… sit by Jack’s bed?” Dean knows he’s floundering, but his angel stills under his touch. ‘ _It all seemed so simple a few hours ago… out by the river, poles in hand_ …’ He flashes back to his and Jack’s conversation, and the stranglehold on his heart loosens up. “We can just be there for him.”

“I don’t… I don’t know how,” Cas whispers, “For his entire life I vowed to protect him, how can I just be… _there_.”

“It ain’t easy, that’s for sure.” Dean sighs, rubbing at Cas’s shoulder with one hand, reaching out with his other. He tangles their fingers together. “But it’s what he needs. Earlier today, when we left, I thought he wanted to tick off a few boxes, get as much done as he could under the wire. But… that wasn’t it at all. He wanted to spend time with… with _me_. Don’t know why… not like I should be the kid’s first choice…”

Cas pulls himself up, gazing at Dean so intensely he could feel its weight on his soul. “Please,” he starts, “tell me what you two did together?”

Dean smiles. “Nothing too special. We got some food, I showed him how to drive Baby –“

“You let him drive your _car_?”

“He knows how to handle her… _now_.” He snorts, “Not at first, though. I’ve driven better with only three hours of sleep and my eyes barely on the road.”

“I’m surprised there are times where you _are_ focusing on what’s in front of you,” Cas smiles, finally. He plays with Dean’s hand, not looking up. “What else?”

“We fished.”

“Fished?”

“Yeah, I was as surprised as you were,” Dean says, “But I had the gear and… and he said he wanted to. That it was something my dad and I did, one of the only things we did together I actually _enjoyed_ and… Jack wanted to share that with me.” He shudders in a breath. “Said that it was enough because we were together, and that’s all that mattered. There’d be no regrets if all his last moments were like that…” A tear traitorously slips past him, and he feels as it slides down. Until Cas moves and brushes it away with his thumb; keeping his hand there. “I wish I would have realized it sooner.”

“Dean…”

“I treated him like dirt – _worse_ than dirt the minute he was born,” Dean confesses, “Because he took you away from me – at least, that’s what I believed. I was so wrapped up in my grief I was lashing out and I – I hit him low, Cas. How he can – he can still look at me, think of me as anything like a dad when I don’t even know the littlest things about him.” Just then some of his own spirit falls apart, and mixes with the pieces of Cas in his hands. The shards scrape against one another, drawing out more blood and pain.

“Dean, none of that matters –“

“Cas –“

“No, listen. Jack has forgiven you for all that, and you should, too.” He’s shifted, twisted onto his hip, one leg folded underneath while the other juts out across the hallway. “You deserve every right to call Jack your son as much as Sam does – as much as _I_ do. We all love him, all want to protect him, teach him, make sure he became the _hero_ we knew he was.”

“You weren’t there,” Dean says, “when I was angry. What I said…”

“Was awful –“ Cas wipes away more tears “ – but you _learned_ , Dean. You understood what you said and did was wrong. And you’ve grown, just as much as Jack has. He wants you in his life, otherwise he wouldn’t have chosen to spend some of his final moments with you.”

Dean sighs, sliding further down the hallway, lower back shoved into the space where floor meets wall. “And here I was, coming to comfort _you_.”

Cas pats at his cheek. “We’re all in need of a little comfort. You being here brought my grace some rest. It’s only kind I offer the same.”

He stares at Cas, takes in his angel with all the wonder from the first time they met. Cas is a celestial wavelength, stuffed into a body that’s a fraction of his actual size. He can do so many amazing things with his grace; no matter how many times he falls down, he rises again and again. Not even death can stop him, a trait Dean thought only a Winchester could possess. ‘ _That’s not true though, Cas is a Winchester in everything but name. And so is **Jack**._’ Dean begins laughing. It starts out a small chuckle, but only grows stronger with every passing second. Until his chest hurts and there’s a twitch in his side.

“Dean?” Cas asks, “What’s the matter?”

“I… I don’t know,” he tells his angel, “You ever just… realize something? That was so obvious but because you’re so stupid or not – not paying attention you never noticed until now?”

“Well, as you know I was never much known for my ‘observational skills’,” Cas says, squinting at him, “So I believe I can relate.”

Maybe it’s the dizzy feeling from laughing so hard. Or perhaps he’s exhausted, emotionally and physically, from the long day. He’s even willing to blame that damned hand that’s still on his cheek. There’re a countless number of reasons as Dean leans forward and pecks Cas on the lips.

As he pulls back, he notices the pink flush rising up Cas’s cheeks. He gawks at him, slack-jawed. “What? Dean – what was… what was that?”

“That was a _kiss_ , Cas,” he chuckles, “y’know… when lips meet lips?”

“That’s not what I was –“ he huffs through his nose “ – why did you…?”

“Did you not want –“

“No! No I… it was acceptable but…” he licks at his lips, “ _why_?”

“It’s what Jack said,” Dean starts, moving his hand up from Cas’s shoulder until he’s toying with the curls at the nape of Cas’s neck. “It’s not the big things that really matter, in the scheme of things. It’s who you’re with and what you do. And I’m not sure how many years we have left – hell, with Michael still loose I’m not sure how many _months_ until one of us kicks the bucket. I don’t want to waste anymore time. Where you don’t know what your place is in my life. Where I’m not holding your hand, kissing you – showing you _exactly_ what it means to me to have you by my side. Sure, Jack can have three dads but… at least two of them should be _together_ …”

Cas beams. Dean can hardly look at how his angel transforms into literal sunshine. But Cas keeps him there, locked into his gaze. There’s a new source of life and hope growing within the ocean of his eyes, and Dean wants to nurture it for as long as he can.

“Why we waited so long?” Cas says, “I’ll never understand…”

“No Cas,” Dean kisses him again, “no looking back. From here on out we do the best we can to make each moment count, every memory last.”

“Then maybe we can do it up off the floor?” At his mention, Dean finally feels the effects of his posture. He sits back up again, groaning at how his back pitches. Cas trails his hand down from his face, finally, traces his chest, and rests it at his hip. His eyes glow bright, and Dean’s breath hitches as grace flows under his skin. Mending the pain that was just there. “If only _everything_ was as easy as that…”

“Jack’s not finished yet,” Dean says, hoisting them up off the floor, “I’m sure there’ll be something we can do. One last minute fix we’ll be able to pull out our asses.”

“And until then?”

“We give Jack the best life he could ask for.” They’re still holding hands, in fact Dean has both of his nestled in Cas’s between them, their bodies still pressed in close, foreheads touching. “That’s all any parent can give their kid.”

“I… I think he already has that,” Cas says, “with us. All of us. I’m glad, even after all that’s happened, that Jack knows love and happiness.”

“I am, too.”

They stay there, still wrapped in each other. Dean’s head lolls to the side, letting it drape across Cas’s shoulder, breathing into his neck. Cas hums, the sound vibrating throughout Dean’s body and soothing every bad thought that cut at him during the day. Lingering in each other’s arms won’t stop the world, but it gives them the strength to face the next challenge. Because that’s what moments like that are for. To inspire courage and hope, a reminder when all might seem lost, there’s always more to fight for.

“What should we do now?” Cas asks him, echoed in the hallway.

“I think I have an idea,” Dean says, “I’ll get some food, and you…”

* * *

Sam is still where Dean left him, sitting vigil next to Jack. Their son looks slightly better, eyes open, propped up on pillows. But with pallor skin and sweat-matted hair, it’s obvious the gentlest touch could knock him over.

“Dean,” Sam says, rising, “you were gone so long I thought…” He eyes the bowl in his hand, “What is that?”

“Popcorn.”

“Popcorn?” Sam asks, “I thought Cas was getting the food?”

“I was,” Cas answers, walking down the stairs with pillows under one arm and a laptop in the other, “but there was a change in plans.”

“What’s going on?”

“Movie marathon, that’s what – help me move this.” When all Sam does is gape at him, Dean rolls his eyes. He shoves the popcorn in Sam’s hands while he drags the small dresser out from between the beds. Cas is already by Jack’s side, carefully switching out the standard-issue pillow for Dean’s own down ones. When he’s finished, Dean shoos him, sliding the other bed in next to Jack’s. 

“Here,” Cas places the laptop onto Jack’s lap, “you get to have the first pick.”

Jack looks up at him, smiling weakly, “…Thank you…”

Sam, finally regaining his senses, pulls Dean aside while Jack and Cas get comfier. Cas climbs onto the bed next to Jack and helps him choose what movie to play. “Dean,” he hisses at him, “What do you think you’re –“

“What I’m _doing_ is getting his mind off of everything,” Dean says, “Jack doesn’t want to just sit there. The least we can do right now is have some fun.”

“Fun? Jack is –“

“Sam, Dean!” Jack calls to them, coughing, “The movie is about to start.”

Dean smiles back at his son. “We’ll be right there!” Scooping up some popcorn, he walks back over to the others. “What did you choose?”

“Hercules,” Jack says, “I… I liked the description.”

“Disney, I can dig it.” He scoots in next to Cas, cramming his face with the treat. However, the hospital bed wasn’t made for two grown men to sit on it. They make it work though, as Dean rests comfortable against Cas’s chest, their legs tangled together. From his right he hears a startling cough. Glancing over, Dean sees Sam choke around a piece of popcorn.

“You okay there Sammy?”

Sam mutters, “Yeah… but, uh – are you?”

“I’ve never been better,” he says, wrapping his hand around Cas’s, giving him a tiny kiss on his cheek. “Now, come on, let’s get started. I can’t remember the last time I’ve watched this movie…”

Settled within the infirmary with his family, fully accepting his place amongst them all, Dean finds he’s spoke the truth. Even as Jack slowly eats himself alive beside him, and Michael’s army grows every day. In this moment, Dean is okay. And he believes Cas is as well.

They might have been falling apart before, but through love they brought together their shattered remains and rebuilt. Created a mosaic of colors, glistening in the light, shining on their family. And may mercy be ready for any person or creature who tries to break them down again.

**Author's Note:**

> Did ya like? I just think there was so much to work with and now with Jack and all of their feelings at a pitch, it's for some good breaks.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Drop a kudos/comment!


End file.
